Do you wish you had more tolerance? That you didn’t let things other people do or say get under your skin? The next time you feel your hackles rising or you recognise a situation that has the potential to leave you frustrated or angry and in danger of saying or doing something you may regret, stop for a moment and ask, “Will this matter in 5 years?” When you can’t really change the situation, this technique is particularly powerful - it quickly brings things into perspective and allows you to choose your response thoughtfully.
Will it matter in 5 years?
When you ask yourself, “Will it matter in 5 years?” you’re doing two things. First of all, you’re giving yourself time to engage your ‘thinking’, but the bigger bonus is that you’re more able to view the situation in terms of your values instead of how you ‘feel’ in the moment.
If your toddler is crying inconsolably and you’re feeling exhausted, your first reaction could be to tell him to be quiet and leave you alone. This happens when your tolerance is low. By viewing the situation from the perspective of, “Will this matter in 5 years?” you’ll find more compassion and see the situation for what it really is, he’s teething or unwell and you’re tired. Every mum has these days. Sitting down with him or heading out to play in the park will achieve a better outcome than giving in to your frustration. This is one of those situations when, even though you can’t change the circumstances, you can choose your response based on what is most important.
Everyday situations that can be frustrating are much easier to manage when we remember to think in terms of what we want in 5 years. Being more tolerant strengthens relationships and helps build your self-esteem. Be sure to acknowledge your efforts with, “You were really tolerant –good job!”
Don’t label yourself, try a new perspective
Some people label themselves as ‘short-fused’ or irritable and this almost guarantees that they will continue to be easily frustrated. Even if you’ve had a short fuse in the past, you don’t need to let that dictate your future. When you choose to experiment with new perspectives and practice new skills, you develop more tolerance, suffer less guilt and enjoy more harmony!
About the authors:
Bare Hands is run by allied health professionals committed to helping women embrace positive change by providing access to practical education. To find out more visit www.barehands.com.au
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