This article is the third in our series "Building Resilient Families" by our guest blogger, Roxie Lebsanft of Bare Hands. Roxie is co-founder of Bare Hands, a Mother, G.Dip.Counselling & Psychotherapy, B.HSc (Complementary Medicine) and in this blog she shares her tips for ‘Emotional Intelligence".
When a child is anxious or depressed there is a good chance that one or both parents may be so too. Helping these children is much easier when parents are careful about what they are modelling. The problem is, when we react without thinking first, we give children the message that it’s okay to react without thinking too. If we want them to show restraint, we need to prove it can be done.
Emotional control is for everyone
We all lose our cool from time to time but if ‘flying off the handle’ is a common response to stress or uncertainty, it can be a signal that something needs to change. Children alert us to the problem when we catch ourselves reprimanding them for behaviour that we see in ourselves. If we don’t want them throwing tantrums, we need to make sure we aren’t!
Being a parent has never been easy
It is so important that we show our children how we want them to behave. No one has ever said it’s easy, but it is important. If we want them to be curious, we need to show curiosity and zest for learning. If we want them to control their emotions, we need to manage ours.
“It isn't stress that makes us fall - it's how we respond to stressful events.” Wayde Goodall
Counting to three can make all the difference
According to Ron Siegel, Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychology at Harvard University, just counting to three is enough. Practice catching your overreactions before they happen, by giving yourself a simple buffer - 1,2,3.
The next time you feel yourself ready to blow, try it under your breath....”One, two, three”. You may be pleasantly surprised at how much better you’ll feel and you’ll be modelling emotional regulation for your children too.
“One, two, three”. Next - ask yourself, “Does this really matter?”, “Is this worth losing my cool over?” or maybe you’ll even have time to remember to say, “When you do or say that it makes me feel angry, sad, ______.
Let's model emotional intelligence. Remember to count BEFORE you react ... 1, 2, 3
About the author:
Helping women develop and enjoy wonderfully dynamic family relationships is Laurie and Roxie's special focus. As co-founders of Bare Hands they understand many of the challenges of modern day families.
Bare Hands is run by allied health professionals committed to helping women embrace positive change by providing access to practical education. To find out more visit www.barehands.com.au
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